It Must Be Two Sides

[DISCLAIMER]

When providing psychoeducational lessons on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I teach people about the ABC model of self-disturbance (how people upset themselves through use of irrational beliefs). Now, I’ll address a finer point of this psychotherapeutic model of wellness.

For context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. That negative outcome is disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive Beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.

It’s worth noting that the two forms of should, must, and ought-type demands with which people most often self-disturb are associated with use of absolutistic and conditional should beliefs. Generally speaking, these serve as rigid commands used toward oneself, others, and life.

An absolute must narrative is, “You absolutely must do as I say!” A conditional should narrative is, “Either you should do as I say, or you should be punished!” Noteworthy, in REBT literature, demandingness of this sort is said to function as a primary appraisal mechanism of disturbance.

Global evaluations (i.e., self-downing, other-downing, and life-downing), low frustration tolerance (also known as frustration intolerance), and awfulizing (e.g., terrible, horrible, etc.) function as secondary appraisal mechanisms. Together, GLAD will make you sad or mad, etc.

While still serving as prescriptive rather than descriptive, flexible use of recommendatory, preferential, ideal, empirical, moral and ethical, and legal ought beliefs won’t inevitably cause disturbance, as they may align with distress. Rigidity versus flexibility makes a difference.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Noteworthy, natural forms of distress are tolerable (i.e., mild anxiousness, sorrow, frustration, annoyance, disappointment, etc.). Even though unnatural forms of disturbance are also tolerable (e.g., enragement), my approach to REBT seeks the outcome which is more likely to be endured.

Now, I offer a finer point of understanding in regard to the ABC model. There are a number of flexible and inflexible terms related to demandingness which serve as derivatives to “should,” “must,” and “ought” types of self-disturbing philosophies regarding life.

For instance, “In order to understand what I’m saying, you have to pay attention,” “You better not allow your mind to wander,” “You need to listen,” and, “If you want to stop self-disturbing, then you gotta practice REBT.” Perhaps a real-world example may enrich your comprehension.

On his debut solo studio album Units in the City (2008), the late Atlanta, Georgia rapper Shawty Lo featured the track “Dunn Dunn” which spawned the popular phrase at the time, “Nigga said he from the Westside? Well, goddamn, it must be two sides!” For context, one source states:

Shawty Lo wrote and recorded “Dunn Dunn” as a diss track directly aimed at fellow Atlanta-based rapper T.I. On T.I.’s song, “No Matter What” from Paper Trail (2008), he raps “So you up-and-coming rappers wanna diss, just kill it. I’m officially the realest, point blank, period.”, which was perceived to be directed at Shawty Lo.

In essence, Shawty Lo challenged the authenticity of T.I.’s roots regarding Bankhead, Atlanta. By saying, “Nigga said he from the Westside? Well, goddamn, it must be two sides,” Shawty Lo mocked T.I’s claim to the specific area (i.e., the Westside).

Think of it this way. Suppose you come from a tightknit community in which most people generally maintained some familiarity with one another. This place is called Littletown, Anywheresville. Someone then comes along and claims affiliation with Littletown.

Skeptical of the assertion, you respond, “You say you’re from Littletown? Well, goddamn, there must be two Littletowns, because I don’t recognize you!” Your response is an example of an empirical dispute to an empirical proposition (i.e., must be two Littletowns). Per one source:

Normative statements contain value judgments. Often they contain words like should or should not, better or worse. Empirical statements describe what is in the social world, without evaluating it. They are statements that can be measured empirically.

Given this context, T.I. claimed to be from Bankhead (i.e., empirical assertion). Skeptical of the claim, due to his lived experience with the Bankhead community, Shawty Lo issued an empirical dispute (i.e., assessment of a normative statement) by suggesting there “must” be two sides!

From an REBT standpoint, Shawty Lo’s attitude (i.e., T.I. isn’t actually from Bankhead) is flexible. It manifests in the form of an empirical belief (i.e., it must be two sides) malleably inferring that T.I. preferably shouldn’t claim a location from which he doesn’t hail.

Using this flexible belief, Shawty Lo didn’t self-distress or self-disturb. Rather, he mocked T.I.’s assertion. Now, I invite you to consider the distinction between flexible empirical beliefs versus inflexible absolutistic or conditional beliefs. Also, it’s okay to mock preposterous claims.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

References:

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