Maybe We Should Wanna Run Far Away

[DISCLAIMER]

When providing psychoeducational lessons on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I teach people about the ABC model of self-disturbance (how people upset themselves through use of irrational beliefs). Now, I’ll address a finer point of this psychotherapeutic model of wellness.

For context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. That negative outcome is disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive Beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.

It’s worth noting that the two forms of should, must, and ought-type demands with which people most often self-disturb are associated with use of absolutistic and conditional should beliefs. Generally speaking, these serve as rigid commands used toward oneself, others, and life.

An absolute must narrative is, “You absolutely must do as I say!” A conditional should narrative is, “Either you should do as I say, or you should be punished!” Noteworthy, in REBT literature, demandingness of this sort is said to function as a primary appraisal mechanism of disturbance.

Global evaluations (i.e., self-downing, other-downing, and life-downing), low frustration tolerance (also known as frustration intolerance), and awfulizing (e.g., terrible, horrible, etc.) function as secondary appraisal mechanisms. Together, GLAD will make you sad or mad, etc.

While still serving as prescriptive rather than descriptive, flexible use of recommendatory, preferential, ideal, empirical, moral and ethical, and legal ought beliefs won’t inevitably cause disturbance, as they may align with distress. Rigidity versus flexibility makes a difference.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Noteworthy, natural forms of distress are tolerable (i.e., mild anxiousness, sorrow, frustration, annoyance, disappointment, etc.). Even though unnatural forms of disturbance are also tolerable (e.g., enragement), my approach to REBT seeks the outcome which is more likely to be endured.

Now, I offer a finer point of understanding in regard to the ABC model. There are a number of flexible and inflexible terms related to demandingness which serve as derivatives to “should,” “must,” and “ought” types of self-disturbing philosophies regarding life.

For instance, “In order to understand what I’m saying, you have to pay attention,” “You better not allow your mind to wander,” “You need to listen,” and, “If you want to stop self-disturbing, then you gotta practice REBT.” Perhaps a real-world example may enrich your comprehension.

On Whenever (2019), the tenth studio album by hip hop duo Atmosphere (lyricist Slug and DJ/producer Ant), is the track “Love Each Other”. Personally, Atmosphere is the type of group that makes music for hip hop enthusiasts with refined tastes. Yet, I digress. The chorus states:

And if we knew each other

Maybe we would love each other

Or maybe we should wanna run far away

To find a place the other could never discover

[x2]

The video for “Love Each Other”, an artsy black-and-white piece, depicts a man who demonstrates affection for a woman he doesn’t know. Yet, he discovers that she’s unavailable, as he’s left to experience what is presumably healthy distress in the form of disappointment.

What caused this interpreted outcome was the narrative, “If we knew each other, maybe we would love each other; or maybe we should wanna run far away to find a place the other could never discover.” I view this as an optimistic perspective with a bit of pessimism.

On one hand, when approaching the woman of his admiration with a rose, the man in the video optimistically considers that “if we knew each other, maybe we would love each other.” He’s apparently anticipatorily hopeful for a desirable outcome.

On the other hand, when seeing the woman with another man, he pessimistically concludes that “maybe we should wanna run far away to find a place the other could never discover.” In this unfavorable script is a preferential should statement of defeat.

Ostensibly, the man believes something like, “I had high hopes of being with you, though in light of newly discovered details, we preferably should never be together.” This sort of narrative isn’t self-disturbing (e.g., dismay), as it instead relates more to self-distress (e.g., disappointment).

Thus, the man in the video simply walks away with the rose he brought for the woman. Oh well, these things happen. I imagine, as is the case with so many of us, the man can tolerate distress. How about you? When using flexible distressing narratives, can you stand unpleasant outcomes?

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

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