Self-Damning When Using the ABC Model
When a family with whom I attended Churches of Christ services invited me to live with them from a children’s home in which I was a resident during high school, I was used to the unhelpful practice of damning (bringing damnation—a state of being led from condemnation or ruin).
In particular, I unproductively engaged in self-damning (causing or leading to one’s own condemnation or ruin, as in unfavorably criticizing oneself). Remarkably, my Christian faith taught me forgiveness (the act of forgiving—to give up resentment of or claim to requital for).
However, I unaccommodatingly believed that forgiveness was for other people, though not for me. Thus, I engaged in unhelpful self-damning. Now, when considering care for mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”), I recall that period of my life.
As Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) was formed by the late psychologist Albert Ellis, who reportedly developed the first cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) psychotherapeutic modality in 1955, this blog entry is part of an ongoing series regarding his book, Ask Albert Ellis?: Straight Answers and Sound Advice from America’s Best-Known Psychologist.
REBT uses the ABC model, based on theory, to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the event itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as distress or disturbance.
Noteworthy, with virtually any undesirable Action that occurs, it’s your unfavorable Beliefs which cause unpleasant distress or disturbance (Consequence). Given this framing of self-distress and self-disturbance, it’s worth noting that one REBT source states (page 71):
REBT conceptualizes [distress] as healthy even though it is intense. Other approaches to therapy have as their goal the reduction of the intensity of negative emotions. They take this position because they do not keenly differentiate between healthy negative emotions (distress) and unhealthy negative emotions (disturbance).
Now, REBT keenly distinguishes between healthy distress and unhealthy disturbance. Healthy distress stems from your rational beliefs about a negative activating event [Action], whilst disturbance stems from your irrational beliefs about the same event.
Complete elimination of distress is highly unlikely in an impermanent and uncertain world, wherein people conceptually suffer, struggle, and battle with, or merely experience hardship. Still, individuals often make matters worse for themselves by disturbing about such instances.
In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to distress or disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.
Worth noting, the two forms of should, must, and ought demands with which people most often distress or disturb are associated with use of absolutistic and conditional beliefs. Generally speaking, these scripts serve as inflexible commands used toward oneself, others, and life.
An absolute must narrative is, “You absolutely must do as I say!” A conditional should narrative is, “Either you should do as I say, or you should be punished!” Noteworthy, in REBT literature, demandingness of this sort is said to function as a primary appraisal mechanism of self-upset.
Global evaluations (i.e., self-downing, other-downing, and life-downing), low frustration tolerance (also known as frustration intolerance), and awfulizing (e.g., terrible, horrible, etc.) function as secondary appraisal mechanisms. Together, GLAD will make you sad or mad, etc.
While still functioning as prescriptive rather than descriptive, flexible use of recommendatory, preferential, ideal, empirical, moral and ethical, and legal ought beliefs won’t inevitably cause disturbance, as they may align with distress. Rigidity versus flexibility makes a difference.
Additionally, from a psychological standpoint, people distress or disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.
From an A-C view, I sustained years of significant traumatic experiences before living in a children’s home (Action), as my undiagnosed posttraumatic stress disorder coincided with self-damning narratives (Consequence). Still, it was a B-C connection that facilitated self-damning.
For instance, I was shown love by a Christian family (Action), Believed, “I’m unworthy of love [G], and can’t stand being told that I’m worthy [L], because it’s awful hearing that I’m lovable [A], as no one should love someone like me [D],” and I then felt sadness (Consequence).
Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.
During the period of my life when a family with whom I attended Churches of Christ services invited me to live with them, I knew nothing about self-damning when using the ABC model – or about REBT at all. Therefore, I didn’t know that Ellis had already stated (pages 24 and 25):
It is difficult for many people to find their irrational beliefs and dispute them for several reasons, including these:
1. They are very upset, as you are, and have great difficulty disputing irrational beliefs when they are so upset Therefore, they had better use a relaxation technique, such as Herbert Benson’s Relaxation Response or Edmund Jacobson’s Progressive Relaxation Technique, to first calm themselves. Then their overwhelming emotion will not interfere with their disputing.
2. They think they are too upset to dispute their irrational beliefs and demand that they not be upset. Then they make themselves doubly upset and all progress stops.
3. They find it difficult to dispute their irrational beliefs, incorrectly telling themselves that it is too difficult to do so. Therefore they give up trying. They easily think irrationally and think it should be easy to change once they recognize that they do so. Actually, it is often hard to do so and they refuse to persist at the disputing.
4. They blame themselves for not quickly and easily disputing their irrational beliefs. This secondary self-damning itself is irrational and makes them more disturbed. They then focus on their self-damning so intently that they can hardly think of anything else, including the disputing of their original and their secondary irrational beliefs.
Look for these blocks to strongly and persistently disputing your irrational beliefs. Allow yourself some time to relax and then to discover and dispute the above kinds of irrational beliefs that may interfere with your disputing.
Though I knew nothing of REBT in high school, when I unproductively participated in a lot of self-damning, I suspect that Disputation of my unhelpful Beliefs likely would’ve been met with even more self-damning narratives. When helping others with their mental health, this occurs.
Therefore, I invite you to consider Ellis’ words. Self-damning when using the ABC model complicates matters, as I suspect that a healthy dose of unconditional self-acceptance (USA) may go a long way! You begin by acknowledging that you’re merely a fallible human being.
You aren’t your beliefs or your behavior! Then, with this USA perspective, you can rigorously Dispute your unaccommodating Beliefs. You do this until you achieve an Effective new belief! If doing so proves more challenging than you anticipated, then you can use relaxation tools.
Nevertheless, after use of these techniques and USA, you then go right back to actively, aggressively, and antagonistically Disputing irrational Beliefs! By doing so, it’s unlikely that any degree of self-damning will hold up to your insistent use of the ABC model. Now, Dispute away!
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
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