Ataraxia: Life’s Too Short for the Bullshit

[DISCLAIMER]

Three years ago, I sat with my friend “Blanca” at her residence in Virginia. Not long thereafter, for a number of reasons, we went our separate ways. Understandably, people in both my personal and professional life may experience self-distress or self-disturbance about the loss of friendship.

Regarding this matter, I consider my approach to care for mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”). Specifically, I frame this topic through the proverbial lens of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT).

REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as distress or disturbance.

Noteworthy, with virtually any undesirable Action that occurs, it’s your unfavorable Beliefs which cause unpleasant distress or disturbance (Consequence). Given this framing of self-distress and self-disturbance, it’s worth noting that one REBT source states (page 71):

REBT conceptualizes [distress] as healthy even though it is intense. Other approaches to therapy have as their goal the reduction of the intensity of negative emotions. They take this position because they do not keenly differentiate between healthy negative emotions (distress) and unhealthy negative emotions (disturbance).

Now, REBT keenly distinguishes between healthy distress and unhealthy disturbance. Healthy distress stems from your rational beliefs about a negative activating event [Action], whilst disturbance stems from your irrational beliefs about the same event.

Complete elimination of distress is highly unlikely in an impermanent and uncertain world wherein people conceptually suffer, struggle, and battle with, or merely experience hardship. Still, individuals often make matters worse for themselves by disturbing about such instances.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to distress or disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive scripts, think of the acronym GLAD.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Interwoven into the REBT framework is the philosophy of Stoicism. Pertaining to a Stoic concept regarding the loss of my friendship with Blanca, I invite you to consider that one source states:

In Ancient Greek philosophy, ataraxia, generally translated as ‘unperturbedness’, ‘imperturbability’, ‘equanimity’, or ‘tranquility’, is a lucid state of robust equanimity characterized by ongoing freedom from distress and worry. In non-philosophical usage, ataraxia was the ideal mental state for soldiers entering battle.

Achieving ataraxia is a common goal for Pyrrhonism, Epicureanism, and Stoicism, but the role and value of ataraxia within each philosophy varies in accordance with their philosophical theories. The mental disturbances that prevent one from achieving ataraxia also vary among the philosophies, and each philosophy has a different understanding as to how to achieve ataraxia. […]

In Stoicism, unlike Pyrrhonism or Epicureanism, ataraxia, or tranquility of the mind, is not the ultimate goal of life. Instead, the goal is a life of virtue according to nature, which is intended to bring about apatheia, the absence of unhealthy passions.

However, since Stoics in a state of apatheia do not care about matters outside of themselves and are not susceptible to emotion, they would be unable to be disturbed by anything at all, meaning that they were also in a stage of mental tranquility and thus in a state of ataraxia.

Both Blanca and I enlisted in the United States Marine Corps, as we learned a form of ataraxy (a state of mind that is characterized by [relative] peace or detached serenity without loss of mental abilities or clouding of consciousness) pertaining to combat scenarios. Yut!!

All these years later, I relate this to how REBT uses unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve self-induced suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).

With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).

The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.

Regarding my circle of control and USA, I recognized that I had control of only my reaction to the loss of friendship with Blanca. Concerning my circle of influence and UOA, I tried to guide the relationship into a different direction toward unity, though we ultimately parted ways.

Pertaining to my circle of concern and ULA, I admitted that no relationship within one’s life is guaranteed to last. As for my area of no concern, in which imaginary scenarios exist, I don’t waste what relatively little time I have in this life pondering what could’ve been in another life.

Thus, I attain ataraxia through use of UA. When contemplating this matter, I’m reminded of a hip hop song featuring one of Blanca’s favorite artists. On the album Rula 2 (2015), by rapper Vee tha Rula, is the song “Bullshit” which features rapper Kevin Gates (that’s Blanca’s mane).

Produced by Konshis Pilot, the chorus features the line “life[’s] too short for the bullshit.” The term “bullshit” is a type of informal, impolite speech that regards nonsense, especially foolish insolent talk, relating to rash, boastful, or idle talk, and engaging in a discursive discussion.

Often, when assisting other people with their mental health, I encounter the antithesis of ataraxia when presented with a lot of bullshit beliefs regarding how relationships supposedly should, must, or ought to somehow remain permanent. Life’s too short for the bullshit!

As this relates to me and Blanca, we had a strong friendship for which I remain grateful. Thus, I’m content with what was (i.e., a powerful bond)—all without self-distressing (e.g., frustration) or self-disturbing (e.g., depression) about what currently is (i.e., the loss of a friendship).

Now, I present this psychoeducational lesson on REBT for your consideration. Even those with whom you’ve shared a bond that was forged by the metaphorical blood of military service can (and likely will) dry up at some point. If (or when) that happens, will you achieve ataraxia?

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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