Accept It
On Canadian lyricist Classified’s fifth major release, Tomorrow Could Be the Day Things Change (2018), is the song “Accept It”. Personally meaningful, he states on the second verse:
He was searching for some work, referred to the reserves
Took it further, got deployed to serve his country undeterred
His wife worried, crying, when she hugged him and said goodbye
Told his kids he had to leave, but they never understood why, no
Active duty, overseas, saw some things he’d rather not remember
Friends’ body parts dismembered
Bombs dropped, dead children, war crimes, and war cries
Sent home when he almost died from a car bomb and a suicide
Family’s just happy he’s still alive, but daddy ain’t the same
Can’t adjust back to his normal life
Little things, like paying bills, being a father, he ignored ‘em
He asked the doctor help him, Xanax for depression
That just numbed him temporarily, more reclusive, less aggressive
Got addicted, doctor knew it, and he cut off his prescription
Couldn’t take it, started stealing, hit the streets to get his fixing
His wife couldn’t forgive him, she tried, but had to kick him out
Now he panhandles on Yonge Street in front of Subway
With a sign that says, “Can’t you spare change for a veteran?”
His wife would change it in a second, but she can’t
And she accepts it
For context, the American Psychological Association defines acceptance as “a favorable attitude toward an idea, situation, person, or group” and “willing acknowledgment of validity or correctness.” Regarding “Accept It”, the veteran didn’t practice acceptance unconditionally.
Now, practicing Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I use personal responsibility and accountability (collectively “ownership”). For improved understanding, responsibility is defined as the quality or state of being responsible, such as a moral, legal, or mental accountability.
Here, “responsible” is defined as liable to be called to account as the primary cause, motive, or agent, and being able to answer for one’s conduct and obligations—something, such as the demands of conscience or custom, that obligates one to a course of action.
Also, “accountable” is defined as subject to giving an account—a statement explaining one’s conduct. Accountability is defined as the quality or state of being accountable, especially regarding an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one’s actions.
When providing psychoeducational lessons on REBT, a psychotherapeutic modality which arguably requires that one preferably should take personal ownership in order to reduce self-distress or self-disturbance, I lean heavily on both responsibility and accountability.
This is because I maintain that people have personal agency (a person’s ability to control one’s own reactions to activating events which are beyond one’s own dominion, especially when one’s response is limited by someone or something else). This is a matter of self-empowerment.
In “Accept It”, the veteran likely used a disempowering self-narrative that fundamentally altered his life in an unproductive manner. Yet, his wife unconditionally accepted this inopportune change, even as it regarded the detriment of her family, taking personal ownership of the matter.
Specifically, REBT uses unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve self-induced suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).
With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).
The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.
Regarding her circle of control and USA, the veteran’s wife in “Accept It” likely understood that although she didn’t like or love the changes regarding her spouse, she could accept her circumstance and an overall inability to control the matter. This is done unconditionally.
Concerning her circle of influence and UOA, the veteran’s wife possibly acknowledged that repeated attempts to influence her husband’s return from a military theater of combat weren’t going as she desired. There are many such cases regarding the people one loves in a lifetime.
Relating to her circle of concern and ULA, the veteran’s wife probably admitted to herself that life is impermanent and uncertain, as there are no guarantees that a military member will readjust to a pre-war level of functioning. Without rigid conditions, she simply accepted life as it was.
Pertaining to her area of no concern, an imaginary realm in which no war exists and all people get along, that’s not the dimension in which the veteran’s wife lives. In fact, there’s no credible evidence that any such dominion exists in places other than one’s mind. “Accept It”!
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
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