Gotta Get Me

[DISCLAIMER]

When providing psychoeducational lessons on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I teach people about the ABC model of self-disturbance (how people upset themselves through use of irrational beliefs). Now, I’ll address a finer point of this psychotherapeutic model of wellness.

For context, REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate how when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. That negative outcome is disturbance.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive Beliefs, think of the acronym GLAD.

It’s worth noting that the two forms of should, must, and ought-type demands with which people most often self-disturb are associated with use of absolutistic and conditional should beliefs. Generally speaking, these serve as rigid commands used toward oneself, others, and life.

An absolute must narrative is, “You absolutely must do as I say!” A conditional should narrative is, “Either you should do as I say, or you should be punished!” Noteworthy, in REBT literature, demandingness of this sort is said to function as a primary appraisal mechanism of disturbance.

Global evaluations (i.e., self-downing, other-downing, and life-downing), low frustration tolerance (also known as frustration intolerance), and awfulizing (e.g., terrible, horrible, etc.) function as secondary appraisal mechanisms. Together, GLAD will make you sad or mad, etc.

While still serving as prescriptive rather than descriptive, flexible use of recommendatory, preferential, ideal, empirical, moral and ethical, and legal ought beliefs won’t inevitably cause disturbance, as they may align with distress. Rigidity versus flexibility makes a difference.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Noteworthy, natural forms of distress are tolerable (i.e., mild anxiousness, sorrow, frustration, annoyance, disappointment, etc.). Even though unnatural forms of disturbance are also tolerable (e.g., enragement), my approach to REBT seeks the outcome which is more likely to be endured.

Now, I offer a finer point of understanding in regard to the ABC model. There are a number of flexible and inflexible terms related to demandingness which serve as derivatives to “should,” “must,” and “ought” types of self-disturbing philosophies regarding life.

For instance, “In order to understand what I’m saying, you have to pay attention,” “You better not allow your mind to wander,” “You need to listen,” and, “If you want to stop self-disturbing, then you gotta practice REBT.” Perhaps a real-world example may enrich your comprehension.

Before illustrating a demandingness derivative, it may be helpful to add that sometimes mental scripts are accompanied by inferences (the act of passing from one proposition, statement, or judgment considered as true to another whose truth is believed to follow from that of the former).

Notably, the ABC model notes how distorted inferences (misleading conclusions based on illogical and unreasonable beliefs) cause disturbance (i.e., stemming from irrational beliefs) and distress (i.e., stemming from rational beliefs). Now, I submit an example for your review.

On his ninth studio album The Heart of tha Streetz, Vol. 2 (I Am What I Am) (2006), New Orleans rapper B.G. dropped the track “Gotta Get Me”. Personally, it was the best track on the album. I particularly like the line, “It was a sunny day; it just might be a bloody night!”

In any event, the colloquial phrase “gotta get me” is a demandingness derivative that suggests “I must get me,” indicating a strong desire to look after one’s own interests and goals over the wishes and objectives of others. Depending on how it’s used, it can be healthy or unhealthy.

For example, imagine I discover that a friend is taking advantage of me. My attempt to influence this individual to alter the behavior is uneventful. Thus, taking control of my reaction to the friend’s behavior, I healthily conclude that “I gotta get me” while severing ties with the person.

Alternatively, if I unhealthily determine that “I gotta get me” regarding the absolutistic demand for my friend to change his behavior, then I’ll self-disturb into an angry disposition when my rigid expectation isn’t met. Ergo, how one uses “I gotta get me” requires context.

That relatively brief psychoeducational lesson on a demandingness derivative aside, there’s also a distorted inference used in “Gotta Get Me”. Specifically, B.G. states, “I hate a busta, ol’ sucka-ducka-ass nigga. Ask one mo’ time, and we gon’ be bluckin’ at yo ass, nigga!”

For context, in a post entitled From the South: You Better Run, I referenced rapper Z-Ro’s song “From the South” which features Paul Wall and Lil’ Flip, as Z-Ro stated “blucka-blucka-blucka, that’s how my gun go.” When B.G. mentions “bluckin’,” he’s ostensibly referring to shooting.

As well, a “busta, ol’ sucka-ducka-ass nigga” is essentially an undesirable individual. With this context, B.G. presumably states that the rapper hates undesirable individuals. If they keep questioning him about a particular matter, then the rapper remains ready to shoot them.

The distorted inference here is that undesirable individuals absolutely mustn’t interact with B.G. There’s no flexibility in the assertion, because the only alternative to presumed annoyance that the rapper may endure is to “be bluckin’” at such people. “It just might be a blood night!”

Therefore, building upon the information used on the 2006 track, B.G. seemingly maintains, ‘I gotta get me; otherwise, I’m gon’ be bluckin’ at undesired people!’ This is as rigid a demand as ever there was one. I say this as a fan of B.G.’s music, not as one who deserves to be blucked at.

Supposing you understand this lesson, I invite you to pay close attention to your beliefs and the words you use. Are you making healthy or unhealthy use of “gotta” scripts? If you respond to me with “ask one mo’ time, and we gon’ be bluckin’ at yo ass,” then the answer is evident.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

References:

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