Owning Up to Personal and Collective Codes of Conduct

[DISCLAIMER]

The American Psychological Association defines a rule as “a guideline or standard that is used to guide responses or behavior or that communicates situational norms.” I’ll now provide a mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”) lesson on a form of rule.

When practicing Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I use personal responsibility and accountability (collectively “ownership”). For improved understanding, responsibility is defined as the quality or state of being responsible, such as a moral, legal, or mental accountability.

Here, “responsible” is defined as liable to be called to account as the primary cause, motive, or agent, and being able to answer for one’s conduct and obligations—something, such as the demands of conscience or custom, that obligates one to a course of action.

Also, “accountable” is defined as subject to giving an account—a statement explaining one’s conduct. Accountability is defined as the quality or state of being accountable, especially regarding an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one’s actions.

When providing psychoeducational lessons on REBT, a psychotherapeutic modality which arguably requires that one preferably should take personal ownership in order to reduce self-distress or self-disturbance, I lean heavily on both responsibility and accountability.

This is because I maintain that people have personal agency (a person’s ability to control one’s own reactions to activating events which are beyond one’s own dominion, especially when one’s response is limited by someone or something else). This is a matter of self-empowerment.

Of personal ownership, I now invite you to consider that one source states, “A code of conduct is a set of rules outlining the norms, rules, and responsibilities or proper practices of an individual party or an organization.” There’s a difference between personal and collective ownership.

Personal ownership refers to an individual’s moral obligation for one’s own beliefs, choices, actions, and consequences, which is rooted in autonomy. As an example, I have a self-appointed obligation not to intentionally harm others unless they violate the non-aggression principle.

Collective ownership involves a group’s ethical obligation for the collective’s worldviews, decisions, practices, and outcomes, which is rooted in dependency. For instance, as a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Clinical Social Worker, I’m bound by professional ethics.

In common parlance, the phrase “own up,” commonly used with the word “to,” regards admitting to ownership for something. For example, if I violate personal or collective codes of conduct, then I may endure disagreeable penalties (e.g., punishment).

REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as distress or disturbance.

Noteworthy, with virtually any undesirable Action that occurs, it’s your unfavorable Beliefs which cause unpleasant distress or disturbance (Consequence). Given this framing of self-distress and self-disturbance, it’s worth noting that one REBT source states (page 71):

REBT conceptualizes [distress] as healthy even though it is intense. Other approaches to therapy have as their goal the reduction of the intensity of negative emotions. They take this position because they do not keenly differentiate between healthy negative emotions (distress) and unhealthy negative emotions (disturbance).

Now, REBT keenly distinguishes between healthy distress and unhealthy disturbance. Healthy distress stems from your rational beliefs about a negative activating event [Action], whilst disturbance stems from your irrational beliefs about the same event.

Complete elimination of distress is highly unlikely in an impermanent and uncertain world wherein people conceptually suffer, struggle, and battle with, or merely experience hardship. Still, individuals often make matters worse for themselves by disturbing about such instances.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to distress or disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive scripts, think of the acronym GLAD.

For an example of how distress or disturbance occurs, I now invite you to consider the song “Loved Ones”, contained on the second studio album PRhyme 2 (2018) by hip hop duo PRhyme, consisting of lyricist Royce da 5’9” and DJ Premier, and featuring lyricist Rapsody who states:

Uh, I’m dipping out; keep the car and the house

I get my own shit, shit, I kept a separate account

I know the rules in the street or the house

And what I learned, it ain’t an equal amount

I see them niggas you ‘round

And the loyalty, you’d go to war to hold ‘em all down

Tell ‘em your word is your bond, but you lie to me; how?

You respect them niggas way more than me, by a mile

I had your child, shit, babe, I can’t figure it out

You cheat on me, it’s respected, cheat on them, it’s foul

Somehow, the codes that you live by ain’t balancing out

Cross the line, motherfucker, I’ma line it with vowels

I owe you nothing, fuck your vows

I was your down-ass chick; you let me down

Said your word and your balls is all’s you had

I learned your word and your balls wasn’t always ‘round

Shit, I know niggas in the bing you still loyal to

Never snitch, you don’t sing, you a loyal dude

But pillow talk and sing to bitches, is that loyal, too?

Tryna figure out when it becomes, “Aw, fuck the rules”

‘Cause you a real nigga, and that’s what real niggas do—love none

Imagine that a man cheats on a woman (Action), she Believes, “My life is over [G], as I can’t tolerate disloyalty [L], because it’s heinous [A] and shouldn’t ever occur [D],” and with this unaccommodating script she experiences self-disturbance in the form of misery (Consequence).

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

On “Loved Ones”, Royce da 5’9” (fictionally) cheats on Rapsody (Action), she (hypothetically) Believes, “You preferably shouldn’t have been disloyal, as people recommendatorily ought to honor their rules and codes, though that’s life! I can tolerate your disrespect.”

With this accommodating script, Rapsody would (figuratively) experience self-distress in the form of disappointment (Consequence). Noteworthy, owning up to personal and collective codes of conduct doesn’t always result in positive and healthy joy or pleasure.

After all, who gets cheated on and is happy about it? Therefore, I invite you to consider negative and healthy—versus negative and unhealthy—consequences of violated Beliefs regarding codes of conduct. As well, if you’d like to know more about REBT, then I’m here to try to help.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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