Viewpoint: If You Can’t See My Point of View, Then What’s the Point of You?
When employed in retail many years ago, at Stein Mart, the store at which I worked received a shipment of one of the subjectively ugliest shirts I’d ever seen. It had a paisley pattern outlined in yellow, containing a plaid pattern inside the paisleys, and was printed on another plaid pattern.
Perhaps because I’ve scored in the zeroth percentile of agreeableness on the Big Five personality model inventory—related to the five-factor personality model, I quickly purchased the relatively ugly shirt and awaited criticism from others. Thus, I hopefully anticipated disparagement.
In this way, it’s as though I maintained that my ugly shirt would serve as a form of provocation (something that provokes [calls forth (a feeling, an action, etc.)] or arouses [stimulates to action or to bodily readiness for activity]). Of course, that’s not how life actually works!
I’ll now provide a psychoeducational lesson on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), demonstrating how a viewpoint (a position or perspective from which something is considered or evaluated) and a point of view (used synonymously with viewpoint), regarding beliefs, works.
REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as distress or disturbance.
In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to distress or disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive scripts, think of the acronym GLAD.
Additionally, from a psychological standpoint, people distress or disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.
From an A-C viewpoint, I’ve scored very low in agreeableness (Action), as I’m not inclined to behave in a cooperative manner (Consequence). Yet, from a B-C point of view, a person causes one’s own negative, but unhealthy disgust about people like me. They aren’t provoked!
Person X discovers that I intentionally wore an ugly shirt (Action), Believes, “Disagreeable people are the worst [G], and cannot be tolerated [L], because they’re horrible [A], so they mustn’t even exist [D],” and causes one’s own negative, but unhealthy disgust (Consequence).
Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.
When using an unaccommodating Belief, person X may ask oneself, “What’s the point of you?” indicating that people like me, who score exceedingly low in agreeableness, may be evaluated as altogether purposeless, useless, or worthless—which is a form of global evaluation.
Rather than using a rigid viewpoint—“If you can’t see my point of view, then what’s the point of you?”—suppose that person X instead uses the Effective point of view, “Fallible human beings aren’t disagreeable, even if their personalities are, though I don’t have to evaluate them.”
When person X realizes that although I may’ve worn an ugly shirt, I’m not altogether purposeless, useless, or worthless, then this accommodating Effective belief would likely cause one’s own negative, though healthy disappointment (Consequence). Now, that’s tolerable!
Additionally, REBT uses unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve self-induced suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).
With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).
The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.
Regarding person X’s circle of control and USA, this individual could admit that people have control over their own viewpoints. Concerning person X’s circle of influence and UOA, this person would do well to know that my point of view isn’t likely to be altered, unless I allow it.
Relating to person X’s circle of concern and ULA, this individual could acknowledge that history books are filled with varying points of view. Pertaining to person X’s area of no concern, this person would do well to let go of the notion that it’s possible for everyone to agree.
Now, I’m sharing this lesson on REBT, as I’ve demonstrated how a viewpoint and a point of view, regarding beliefs, works. Even when someone provocatively wears one of the ugliest shirts you’ve ever seen, you can tolerate and accept the disagreeable shirt and the fallible person.
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
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