Voicemails for Isabelle: Attachment, Detachment, and Nonattachment

[DISCLAIMER]

*Voicemails for Isabelle (2026) spoilers contained herein.

Photo credit, property of Sony Pictures, Escape Artists, and Netflix, fair use

Since my youth, I’ve enjoyed the romantic comedy (rom-com) genre of films. For instance, during high school, a family took me in to live with them from a children’s home. They had a daughter (“Antebellum”) who was of similar age, and with whom I was passionately in love.

She and I would eat scrambled egg and grilled cheese sandwiches, sip chocolate milkshakes, and watch movies we’d rented from our local Hastings. As an example, I vividly recall watching the rom-com Sleepless in Seattle (1993), as Antebellum and I experienced a range of emotions.

Those were among some of the most cherished moments in my adolescence. Since then, I’ve continued to enjoy rom-coms. This is the case, even as I now practice Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) and can clearly identify the unhelpful narratives contained in film.

For instance, I recently watched the rom-com drama Voicemails for Isabelle (2026). If I weren’t able to separate subversive storyline elements from the overall theme of the film, then I probably wouldn’t have enjoyed the movie. For context, one source succinctly summarizes the plot:

After losing her baby sister, a young pastry chef can’t stop leaving the long, rambling voicemails she always left, unaware the number now belongs to a stranger across the country who slowly falls for her one message at a time ~ and begins waiting for the next.

For clarity, a voicemail is an electronic communication system in which spoken messages are recorded or digitized and stored for later playback by the intended recipient. Things have changed a bit since I was in high school and phone messages were left on an answering machine.

Message capacity was significantly limited by how much storage capacity was available on a microcassette. Now, smartphones can store a sizably larger cache of messages for later retrieval. This is the main premise in Voicemails for Isabelle.

When Jill’s sister Isabelle dies from lifelong complications with cancer, Jill continues leaving voicemails to Isabelle’s phone number. Unbeknownst to Jill, Wes—the new recipient of calls to Isabelle’s old number—has listened to each of the voicemails which weren’t intended for him.

Because I can separate subversive storyline elements from the overall theme of the film, and given that I typically enjoy rom-coms, I choose to overlook common tropes which have plagued filmmaking in modernity. Briefly, for self-obligatory repudiation, I’ll address a clear example.

In Voicemails for Isabelle, a couple of white men are ostensibly the disagreeable elements of the film. Specifically, the demanding boss Chef Bastien and his favored employee Pastry Chef Arthur are both white, and both are presented as impediments to Jill’s success.

Wouldn’t you know it, Jill’s coworker—an ambiguous sexual orientation individual and woman of color, Pastry Chef Zella—is the agreeable support that enables Jill to ultimately succeed in an occupational setting. In my opinion, this sort of theatrical trope represents lazy writing.

Nevertheless, increasingly so, I’m able to ignore ad hominem attacks on particular members of the viewing audience. Thus, rather than focusing on disparaging representations of white males, as this depiction didn’t apply to Wes, I simply chose to derive an REBT lesson from the film.

Expressly, I’ll address Jill’s unhealthy attachment to a saved voicemail catalog from Isabelle that was maintained on Jill’s phone until a software update wound up erasing her message history. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), attachment is thusly defined:

[T]he emotional bond between a human infant or a young nonhuman animal and its parent figure or caregiver; it is developed as a step in establishing a feeling of security and demonstrated by calmness while in the parent’s or caregiver’s presence.

Attachment also denotes the tendency to form such bonds with certain other individuals in infancy as well as the tendency in adulthood to seek emotionally supportive social relationships.

As it relates to the field of mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”), attachment is merely the physiological or psychological connection by which one thing is joined to another. Now, I invite you to consider that one source states:

Attachment theory posits that infants need to form a close relationship with at least one primary caregiver to ensure their survival and to develop healthy social and emotional functioning. It was first developed by psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby (1907–90).

The theory proposes that secure attachments are formed when caregivers are sensitive and responsive in social interactions, and consistently available, particularly between the ages of six months and two years. As children grow, they are thought to use these attachment figures as a secure base from which to explore the world and to return to for comfort.

Interactions with caregivers have been hypothesized to form a specific kind of attachment behavioral system—or, more recently, internal working model—the relative security or insecurity of which influences characteristic patterns of behavior when forming future relationships. Separation anxiety or grief following the loss of an attachment figure was proposed as being a normal and adaptive response for a securely attached infant.

I was once entered into an intimate partner relationship with a fellow social worker (“Marisela”) who favored attachment theory. Whereas she rejected many principles and standards of REBT, I saw relatively little value in her preferred theory for mental health care.

Besides, the late psychologist who developed REBT, Albert Ellis, stated, “When I was practicing classical analysis, and later when I practiced psychoanalytically oriented psychotherapy, I found that some of the major analytic assumptions simply do not work” (page 3).

One source succinctly states that “evidence seems to indicate that attachment theory overpromises and under-delivers.” Moreover, Marisela’s favored attachment theory was something that many professional REBT practitioners may see little use for.

This is because irrespective of nature, nurture, and other, an adult can empoweringly take personal responsibility and accountability (collectively “ownership”) for beliefs which cause reactions—without disempoweringly complaining about how one was raised in childhood.

I’ll specifically address this matter more in a bit. For now, I invite you to consider that one source states:

Relationships between adults also differ in some ways from relationships between children and caregivers. These two kinds of relationships are not identical, but the core principles of attachment theory apply to both child-caregiver relationships, and adult relationships.

Adult attachment has connected the theory to attachment styles in order to further understand behaviors, such as trust and emotional stability. Adults are described as generally relating to four attachment styles:

·  Secure

·  Anxious-preoccupied

·  Dismissive-avoidant

·  Fearful-avoidant

These attachment styles in adults can be seen to earlier connect to children’s behaviors.

Leave it to the analysts to connect virtually any adult tendency to something that happened in childhood. I reject the claims of attachment theory, and I inform adults seeking mental health services for this theory that they’d fare just as well seeking treatment from a Magic 8 Ball.

Attachment theory mumbo jumbo aside, the term attachment used herein is merely the physiological or psychological connection by which one thing is joined to another. With this in mind, I now invite you to consider that the APA thusly defines detachment:

1. a feeling of emotional freedom resulting from a lack of involvement in a problem or situation or with a person.

2. objectivity: that is, the ability to consider a problem on its merits alone. Also called intellectual detachment.

3. in developmental psychology, the child’s desire to have new experiences and develop new skills. This occurs at about 2 years of age, as the child begins to outgrow the period of total attachment to and dependence on the parent or caregiver.

As it pertains to this blogpost, forgoing the nonsense of attachment relating to attachment theory, the term detachment herein merely relates to indifference to worldly concerns—indicative of APA definition #1. This is different from emotional detachment, about which one source states:

In psychology, emotional detachment, also known as emotional blunting, is a condition or state in which a person lacks emotional connectivity to others, whether due to an unwanted circumstance or as a positive means to cope with anxiety.

Such a coping strategy, also known as emotion-focused coping, is used when avoiding certain situations that might trigger anxiety. It refers to the evasion of emotional connections.

This is where a psychoeducational lesson on REBT may be of some use. Explicitly, there are no triggers to one’s own displeasing experience from which one would need to detach! For demonstration, consider the event in Voicemails for Isabelle when Jill’s voicemails were erased.

REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as distress or disturbance.

Noteworthy, with virtually any undesirable Action that occurs, it’s your unfavorable Beliefs which cause unpleasant distress or disturbance (Consequence). Given this framing of self-distress and self-disturbance, it’s worth noting that one REBT source states (page 71):

REBT conceptualizes [distress] as healthy even though it is intense. Other approaches to therapy have as their goal the reduction of the intensity of negative emotions. They take this position because they do not keenly differentiate between healthy negative emotions (distress) and unhealthy negative emotions (disturbance).

Now, REBT keenly distinguishes between healthy distress and unhealthy disturbance. Healthy distress stems from your rational beliefs about a negative activating event [Action], whilst disturbance stems from your irrational beliefs about the same event.

Complete elimination of distress is highly unlikely in an impermanent and uncertain world wherein people conceptually suffer, struggle, and battle with, or merely experience hardship. Still, individuals often make matters worse for themselves by disturbing about such instances.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to distress or disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive scripts, think of the acronym GLAD.

Additionally, from a psychological standpoint, people distress or disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.

From an A-C view, Jill updated her phone (Action) and voicemails from Isabelle were erased (Consequence). Nonetheless, from a B-C perspective, this undesirable event isn’t what aggravated Jill’s already-present symptoms of grief, bereavement, and mourning.

Rather, Isabelle’s voicemails were erased (Action) and Jill plausibly Believed, “Life is worthless without audible reminders from my sister [G], and I can’t stand this [L], because it’s terrible [A], as Isabelle shouldn’t have died—much less, her messages shouldn’t have disappeared [D]!”

When using this inflexible script, Jill’s already-present symptoms of grief, bereavement, and mourning were aggravated to the degree whereby she made herself distraught (agitated with doubt or mental conflict or pain), as she curled into a fetal position on her bed (Consequence).

This matter relates to disempowerment of unhealthy attachment. Had Jill been healthily detached, she likely wouldn’t have mimicked the behavior of a fetus (a developing human from usually two months after conception to birth). Alas, she self-disturbed with an inflexible narrative.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

Rather than unhealthy attachment, one source states, “Nonattachment, non-attachment, or detachment is a state in which a person overcomes their emotional attachment to or desire for things, people, or worldly concerns and thus attains a heightened perspective.”

Regarding this sort of healthy indifference, REBT uses unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve self-induced suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).

Whereas the ABC model is a scientific approach to wellness, UA serves as a philosophical method for un-disturbing yourself. I view the former as an abortive approach to disturbance and the latter as a preventative method. Of course, not all REBT practitioners use the same style as I.

With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).

The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.

Regarding Jill’s circle of control and USA, she could’ve admitted that although she couldn’t alter the fact that her beloved sister Isabelle had passed, Jill could control her own reaction to the undesirable event. Unlike attachment theory that blames others, REBT uses personal ownership.

Concerning Jill’s circle of influence and UOA, she could’ve recognized that fallible human beings who design software couldn’t possibly create a perfect system whereby voicemails would never be deleted. As well, flawed people like Wes may listen to messages not intended for them.

Relating to Jill’s circle of concern and ULA, she could’ve acknowledged that although life is impermanent and uncertain, death is one of the few guarantees in one’s existence. No amount of saved voicemails or new romantic relationships is a remedy to one’s inescapable demise.

As for the area of no concern, an imaginary realm in which Isabelle dutifully watches over Jill from beyond this lifetime, there’s simply no way of proving this unfalsifiable claim. Thus, instead of wasting what little time she has in this life, Jill can get straight to the matter of living.

In closing, I enjoyed Voicemails for Isabelle, as I was able to productively overlook common tropes which infect modern movies. Harkening back to the days of my youth, when I enjoyed rom-coms with Antebellum, I appreciated how Jill and Wes forged a healthily attached bond.

For the astute viewer, this healthy attachment could happen only when Jill healthily detached from behavior which kept her unhealthily attached to the memory of Isabelle. Thus, Jill found a way to practice healthy nonattachment, as she was able to get straight to the matter of living!

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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Hollings, D. (2024, May 26). Principles. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/principles

Hollings, D. (2023, November 23). Problems. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/problems

Hollings, D. (2024, January 1). Psychoeducation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychoeducation

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Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt

Hollings, D. (2025, August 13). Rational versus irrational thoughts and beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-versus-irrational-thoughts-and-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2024, January 1). Rational vs. irrational. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-vs-irrational

Hollings, D. (2024, March 14). REBT and emotions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rebt-and-emotions

Hollings, D. (2024, July 18). REBT flexibility. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rebt-flexibility

Hollings, D. (2023, February 17). Revisiting the circle of control. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/revisiting-the-circle-of-control

Hollings, D. (2024, January 4). Rigid vs. rigorous. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rigid-vs-rigorous

Hollings, D. (2026, July 7). Self-distress and distress tolerance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-distress-and-distress-tolerance

Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2026, April 21). Self-upset. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-upset

Hollings, D. (2026, February 24). Skepticism: I doubt it. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/skepticism-i-doubt-it

Hollings, D. (2024, March 24). Smartphone and social media addiction. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/smartphone-and-social-media-addiction

Hollings, D. (2026, May 31). Standards and principles. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/standards-and-principles

Hollings, D. (2024, October 17). Stress-testing intimate partner relationships. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/stress-testing-intimate-partner-relationships

Hollings, D. (2024, February 27). Suffering, struggling, and battling vs. experiencing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/suffering-struggling-and-battling-vs-experiencing

Hollings, D. (2022, December 23). The A-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-a-c-connection

Hollings, D. (2022, December 25). The B-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-b-c-connection

Hollings, D. (2022, November 2). The critical A. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-critical-a

Hollings, D. (2026, February 21). The preferences versus expectations paradigm: Love is not enough, though virtue is. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-preferences-versus-expectations-paradigm-love-is-not-enough-though-virtue-is

Hollings, D. (2026, May 15). The speed of thoughts and beliefs: Flipping the bird. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-speed-of-thoughts-and-beliefs-flipping-the-bird

Hollings, D. (2026, April 23). The three traditionally identified components of the mind: Affect, cognition, and conation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-three-traditionally-identified-components-of-the-mind-affect-cognition-and-conation

Hollings, D. (2025, April 15). This cake smells unpleasant. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/this-cake-smells-unpleasant

Hollings, D. (2025, February 28). To try is my goal. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-try-is-my-goal

Hollings, D. (2025, January 9). Traditional ABC model. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/traditional-abc-model

Hollings, D. (2025, September 26). Triggers all around me. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/triggers-all-around-me

Hollings, D. (2024, October 20). Unconditional acceptance redux. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-acceptance-redux

Hollings, D. (2023, March 11). Unconditional life-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-life-acceptance

Hollings, D. (2023, February 25). Unconditional other-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-other-acceptance

Hollings, D. (2023, March 1). Unconditional self-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-self-acceptance

Hollings, D. (2026, February 17). Unexpected strings: Escapism and avoidance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unexpected-strings-escapism-and-avoidance

Hollings, D. (2023, October 22). Unfalsifiability. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unfalsifiability

Hollings, D. (2024, March 18). Unhealthy vs. healthy negative emotions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unhealthy-vs-healthy-negative-emotions

Hollings, D. (2024, October 26). Unhelpful expectations. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unhelpful-expectations

Hollings, D. (2025, February 9). Value. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/value

Hollings, D. (2025, March 11). We live in an imperfect world. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/we-live-in-an-imperfect-world

Hollings, D. (2024, September 29). Well, well, well. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/well-well-well

Hollings, D. (2026, March 26). You’ll have suffered twice. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/you-ll-have-suffered-twice

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