It’s You That Must Change, You Must Take Full Control
When listening to an electronic dance music (EDM) DJ Set by Lisa Marty, I heard her spin the song “Take Control” (2026) by Alexey Union and Aves Volare. The lyrics state:
It’s not done till it’s done, you must take full control
I appreciate these lyrics! Specifically, a significant portion of the content addressed in “Take Control” regards matters about which I’ve written in my blog, as indicated by the above hyperlinks to various blogposts on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT).
Regarding the current blog entry, change relates to making different in some particular way or aspect. For instance, you may win the lottery. This welcome change could be considered desirable. Or, your home burns down. This unwelcome change could be deemed undesirable.
As well, the American Psychological Association defines control as “authority, power, or influence over events, behaviors, situations, or people.” I often find that people fail to realize how little control they have regarding change, as I’ll now share with you what I teach them.
REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as distress or disturbance.
In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to distress or disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive scripts, think of the acronym GLAD.
Additionally, from a psychological standpoint, people distress or disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.
From an A-C view, a house fire occurs (Action) and results in your home burning down (Consequence). Many people often fail to realize that this unwelcome change, deemed as undesirable, doesn’t cause a reaction such as sadness. Rather, the B-C connection does that!
For example, your home burns down (Action), you Believe, “This is really bad [G], and I can’t tolerate it [L], as it’s a horrific event [A], as this absolutely mustn’t have happened [D],” and then you experience negative, though unhealthy sadness (Consequence).
Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.
Additionally, REBT uses unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve self-induced suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).
With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).
The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.
Regarding your circle of control and USA, you could acknowledge that you preferably must change your perspective on life, as you recommendatorily must take full control of your reactions to unwelcome and undesirable events. This includes house fires!
Concerning your circle of influence and UOA, you could admit that, as stated in “Take Control”, other people may “say you were wrong, they’ll call you insane” for not losing control and reacting as they would react. Yet, the house fire was unpleasant enough without freaking out!
Related to your circle of concern and ULA, you could recognize that, although unwelcome and undesirable events for most people, house fires are a part of life. It isn’t necessary to like or love this fact, though you can tolerate and accept that sometimes homes burn to the ground!
As for your area of no concern, an imaginary realm in which no homes ever burn to the ground, that’s not the dimension in which you live. Why waste what relatively little time you have in this life by pondering what would or wouldn’t occur in an imaginary life? Now, that’s just crazy /s!
Ultimately, as expressed in “Take Control”, it’s you that (preferably) must change, as you (recommendatorily) must take full control of how you respond to unwelcome and undesirable events. Also, if you’d like to know more about REBT, then I look forward to hearing from you.
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
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