Trouble: People Throughout the World, Yeah, It’s Your Pick

[DISCLAIMER]

Hate the Sin, Not the Sinner

When enlisted in the United States Marine Corps (1996-2007), my religious foundation in the Jehovah’s Witnesses and Churches of Christ informed my worldview. Of course, as a fallible human being, my faith-based perspective wasn’t practiced perfectly.

For example, I was taught Leviticus 20:13 which states, “‘If a man has sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They are to be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.” This is a forthright command regarding behavior.

Nevertheless, I was taught the useful distinction between the sinner (e.g., a gay man) and the sin (i.e., sexual relations with another man). There was a clear delineation concerning fallible humans, which were sometimes referred to as being in a “fallen state,” and their unwelcome acts.

Thus, I was also taught Jude 1:22-23 that states, “Be merciful to those who doubt; save others by snatching them from the fire; to others show mercy, mixed with fear—hating even the clothing stained by corrupted flesh.” Yes, you read that right. The Bible advocates hate.

Per the American Psychological Association (APA), hate is defined as “a hostile emotion combining intense feelings of detestation, anger, and often a desire to do harm. Also called hatred.” Some members of the congregation I attended said to “hate the sin, not the sinner.”

Regarding the aforementioned biblical reference to “fire,” there are many references in the Bible concerning purification through fire (e.g., Numbers 31:21-24). As an example of this cleansing process, some church members I knew would say things like “burn away your sins.”

Perhaps one of the most misunderstood biblical verses in this regard is Matthew 25:24 which states, “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels.” In particular, Satan isn’t said to rule in Hell.

Rather, he’s destined to be eternally cleansed in the unquenchable flames of torment, along with demons and souls of fallible human beings who refuse to repent and be baptized. So, what does this have to do with mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”)?

Trouble – Personal Ownership and the ABC Model

When enlisted in the military, prior to learning about personal or professional care for mental health, I knew a thing or two about the primary definition of trouble (the quality or state of being troubled—exhibiting emotional or behavioral problems—especially mentally).

For instance, given my religious upbringing, I contributed to the troubles experienced by non-straight people when expressing prejudice and bias against them. In a moment, I’ll expand more about how this process unfolds, as it’s as misunderstood as the matter of Satan ruling Hell.

The consequences of my nonadaptive behavior thus contributed to a secondary definition of trouble (a state or condition that is difficult, distressing, or annoying). Years ago, I unhelpfully blamed my unproductive behavior on my faith-based foundation, though that view was wrong.

When practicing Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I use personal responsibility and accountability (collectively “ownership”). For improved understanding, responsibility is defined as the quality or state of being responsible, such as a moral, legal, or mental accountability.

Here, “responsible” is defined as liable to be called to account as the primary cause, motive, or agent, and being able to answer for one’s conduct and obligations—something, such as the demands of conscience or custom, that obligates one to a course of action.

Also, “accountable” is defined as subject to giving an account—a statement explaining one’s conduct. Accountability is defined as the quality or state of being accountable, especially regarding an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one’s actions.

When providing psychoeducational lessons on REBT, a psychotherapeutic modality which arguably requires that one preferably should take personal ownership in order to reduce self-distress or self-disturbance, I lean heavily on both responsibility and accountability.

This is because I maintain that people have personal agency (a person’s ability to control one’s own reactions to activating events which are beyond one’s own dominion, especially when one’s response is limited by someone or something else). This is a matter of self-empowerment.

When blaming my past prejudicial and biased behavior on a religious upbringing, that was a matter of disempowerment. It was something akin to a Christian hypothetically claiming, “I’m not responsible or accountable for sin, because Satan made me do it—like he did with Judas.”

However, contributing to the troubles of others, when behaving in a troubling manner, I retrospectively could’ve used personal ownership as a first step toward shaping my behavior. Now, I’ll share a useful REBT tool that allows people to do just that.

REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as distress or disturbance.

Noteworthy, with virtually any undesirable Action that occurs, it’s your unfavorable Beliefs which cause unpleasant distress or disturbance (Consequence). Given this framing of self-distress and self-disturbance, it’s worth noting that one REBT source states (page 71):

REBT conceptualizes [distress] as healthy even though it is intense. Other approaches to therapy have as their goal the reduction of the intensity of negative emotions. They take this position because they do not keenly differentiate between healthy negative emotions (distress) and unhealthy negative emotions (disturbance).

Now, REBT keenly distinguishes between healthy distress and unhealthy disturbance. Healthy distress stems from your rational beliefs about a negative activating event [Action], whilst disturbance stems from your irrational beliefs about the same event.

Complete elimination of distress is highly unlikely in an impermanent and uncertain world wherein people conceptually suffer, struggle, and battle with, or merely experience hardship. Still, individuals often make matters worse for themselves by disturbing about such instances.

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to distress or disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive scripts, think of the acronym GLAD.

Worth noting, the two forms of should, must, and ought demands with which people most often distress or disturb are associated with use of absolutistic and conditional beliefs. Generally speaking, these scripts serve as inflexible commands used toward oneself, others, and life.

An absolute must narrative is, “You absolutely must do as I say!” A conditional should narrative is, “Either you should do as I say, or you should be punished!” Noteworthy, in REBT literature, demandingness of this sort is said to function as a primary appraisal mechanism of self-upset.

Global evaluations (i.e., self-downing, other-downing, and life-downing), low frustration tolerance (also known as frustration intolerance), and awfulizing (e.g., terrible, horrible, etc.) function as secondary appraisal mechanisms. Together, GLAD will make you sad or mad, etc.

While still functioning as prescriptive rather than descriptive, flexible use of recommendatory, preferential, ideal, empirical, moral and ethical, and legal ought beliefs won’t inevitably cause disturbance, as they may align with distress. Rigidity versus flexibility makes a difference.

Additionally, from a psychological standpoint, people distress or disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.

To provide a meaningful example related to the A-C versus B-C outcomes, I thank you for allowing me to introduce you to one facet of dancehall music. For many years, I’ve enjoyed this genre of Jamaican music that’s often interwoven into the hip hop subculture as a whole.

When I was in the Corps, dancehall group T.O.K. released their album My Crew, My Dawgs (2001), containing the song “Chi-Chi Man”. Per one source, “chi chi” is “Patois for termite (pest) and is a derogatory term for a homosexual [(i.e. a gay person is as low as a termite)].” Lyrics say:

From dem a par inna chi chi man car

Blaze di fire mek we bun dem!!!! (Bun dem!!!!)

From dem a drink inna chi chi man bar

Blaze di fire mek we dun dem!!!! (Dun dem!!!!)

According to one source, “Now, for the uninitiated, those are the opening lines to a song called “Chi Chi Man” by dancehall group TOK. The title is a term for gay men, and the lyrics include lines about shunning gay men and setting them on fire.” With little doubt, it’s an anti-gay song.

There’s a legacy of so-called homophobia within the dancehall scene. According to the APA, homophobia is defined as “dread or fear of LGBTQ+ people, often associated with prejudice and bias toward them […].” Yet, I don’t think it’s useful to conflate hate with “dread or fear.”

This is an important distinction, as the APA defines a phobia as “a persistent and irrational fear of a specific situation, object, or activity (e.g., heights, dogs, water, blood, driving, flying), which is consequently either strenuously avoided or endured with marked distress.”

Hating a gay man, for instance, isn’t the same as fearing or dreading a gay man. As it regards cleansing gay men with fire, as expressed on “Chi-Chi Man”, this distinction is more in alignment with religious hate (i.e., intolerance) than “dread or fear” (i.e., a phobia).

In any event, when serving as military police (MP), during the era of “Don’t ask, don’t tell” (1994-2011), I took part in the discrimination of non-straight military members. Not only did my actions correspond with military law and my religion, they were aligned with dancehall tenets.

From an A-C view, Marines X and Y engaged in a drunken same-sex sexual encounter at a barracks (Action), and I was tasked with informing their command (Consequence). Simultaneously, I justified my discriminatory act through use of an unhelpful B-C connection.

Marines X and Y engaged in a drunken same-sex sexual encounter at a barracks (Action), and I Believed, “Faggots are abominations [G], and if Jehovah doesn’t tolerate them, then neither do I [L]! So, these awful chi chi men [A] must be reported to members of their command [D]!”

When using that disobliging self-narrative, I primarily felt disgust, secondarily felt hate, and with my tertiary feeling of joy regarding the supposed justice Marines X and Y would receive, I completed my MP investigation, experiencing both unenjoyable and unenjoyable Consequences.

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

I’m not proud of how I behaved as an MP, as I’ve come a long way regarding my outlook on life. At present, I recognize that the aforementioned A-C event didn’t cause trouble for Marines X and Y. However, my B-C connection indeed contributed to the troubles of others. I own that!

Unconditional Acceptance

Unfavorably, I ignored lessons of my religious foundation when serving in the military. I was taught to accept people, though to denounce sin. Of course, all the while, I was sinning right along with everyone else!

For instance, when going through MP school at Fort McClellan in Anniston, Alabama (1997), the MP cohort to which I was assigned had two class songs which we chose to represent us. Had the church members of the congregation I attended at home heard either, they’d not approve.

On Put It in Your Mouth (1996), the first EP released by lyricist Akinyele, was the track “Put It in Your Mouth” that featured vocals by Kia Jeffries. This was one of two MP class 05-97 songs which we sang loudly, and often! The chorus states:

Put it in my mouth (She said put it in her mouth)

I said my motherfuckin’ mouth (I mean her motherfuckin’ mouth)

[x3]

Obviously, it’s a song about oral sex. Even during a time when I used prejudice and bias against non-straight people, I didn’t think much about the bridge of the song on which Akinyele states:

What do ya choose to lick, pussy or dicks?

People throughout the world, man, it’s your pick

What do ya choose to lick, pussy or dicks?

People throughout the world, yeah, it’s your pick

What do you wanna lick, pussy or dicks?

People throughout the world, it’s your pick

Whether intentional or not, Akinyele ostensibly advocated acceptance of reasoned choice. Specifically, he said “people throughout the world, yeah, it’s your pick,” as opposed to demanding that men lick on women, or vice versa. That was a progressive stance for hip hop!

Unfortunately, the message was lost on me at the time. All these years later, as I’m no longer Christian and identify as agnostic (a person who holds the view that any ultimate reality, such as a supreme being, is unknown and probably unknowable), I’ve adopted Akinyele’s worldview.

Now, I’ll share with you a second REBT tool. REBT uses unconditional acceptance (UA) to relieve self-induced suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance (USA), unconditional other-acceptance (UOA), and unconditional life-acceptance (ULA).

With my approach to REBT, I incorporate author Stephen Covey’s concepts regarding the circles of control, influence, and concern, as well as an area of no concern. UA maps onto the circle of control (USA), circle of influence (UOA), and circle of concern and area of no concern (ULA).

The circle of control encompasses only oneself, the circle of influence encapsulates elements which may be subject to one’s sway, the circle of concern engrosses most matters one can imagine, and the area of no concern relates to all content which isn’t yet imagined.

Regarding my circle of control and USA, I admit that I’ve always been, am currently, and always will be an imperfect person who continuously falls short of the anticipations and expectations of myself and others, as no matter what I do in this life, I’ll always be this way (USA).

Concerning my circle of influence and UOA, I acknowledge that other people are as I am, as they may label individuals like me a “sinner” while discriminating against me when using prejudice and bias, much as I’ve down toward others, as this is what flawed beings do (UOA).

Relating to my circle of concern and ULA, I accept that, to my knowledge, nothing on Earth is perfect in nature (ULA). As for the area of no concern, wherein matters of imagination exist, I simply have too many troubles in my life which require my focus than to create new problems.

Given this flexible UA framing of life, it’s not my place to judge other people. Moreover, whether anyone chooses to lick pussy or dicks, “people throughout the world, yeah, it’s your pick!” After all, what you lick or stick don’t make me cum!

Besides, while other fallible human beings are doing as they do, I’ll be tending to the troubles that I may be able to control or influence. Whether you chose to do the same, people throughout the world, yeah, it’s your pick! Also, if you’d like to know more about REBT, then I’ll be here.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

References:

APA Dictionary of Psychology. (2018, April 19). Hate. American Psychological Association. Retrieved from https://dictionary.apa.org/hate

APA Dictionary of Psychology. (2023, November 15). Homophobia. American Psychological Association. Retrieved from https://dictionary.apa.org/homophobia

APA Dictionary of Psychology. (2023, November 15). LGBTQ. American Psychological Association. Retrieved from https://dictionary.apa.org/lgbtq

APA Dictionary of Psychology. (2018, April 19). Phobia. American Psychological Association. Retrieved from https://dictionary.apa.org/phobia

Apple Music. (n.d.). Kia Jeffries. Apple Inc. Retrieved from https://music.apple.com/us/artist/kia-jeffries/283143996

Bible Connection. (n.d.). Hate the sin, not the sinner. Retrieved from https://www.bibleconnection.com/hate-the-sin-not-the-sinner/

Branigan, T. (2002, August 30). BBC withdraws ‘homophobic’ reggae tracks. The Guardian. Retrieved from https://www.theguardian.com/media/2002/aug/30/broadcasting.bbc

David, D. (2014, January). The empirical status of rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT) theory & practice. Albert Ellis Institute. Retrieved from https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/document?repid=rep1&type=pdf&doi=26813393d7370232253cf964c38a4a03d98b0b97

Dryden, W. and Neenan, M. (2006). Rational emotive behaviour therapy: 100 key points and techniques. Routledge. Retrieved from https://img1.wsimg.com/blobby/go/4b0e2552-2a18-4998-b44f-3a993148f7ac/downloads/REBT%202.pdf?ver=1627365797554

Fernie, T. (n.d.). On the fallen state of man. Bible Hub. Retrieved from https://biblehub.com/sermons/auth/fernie/on_the_fallen_state_of_man.htm

G Flex. (2003, September 16). Chi chi man. Urban Dictionary. Retrieved from https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=chi+chi+man

Genius. (n.d.). Put It in Your Mouth [Image]. Retrieved from https://genius.com/Akinyele-put-it-in-your-mouth-lyrics

Hollings, D. (2025, March 2). A demanded thing is a necessary one. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/a-demanded-thing-is-a-necessary-one

Hollings, D. (2024, July 9). Absolutistic should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/absolutistic-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2023, September 13). Acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/acceptance

Hollings, D. (2023, March 7). Accepting what is. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/accepting-what-is

Hollings, D. (2026, February 8). Adaptive and maladaptive emotions and behavior. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/adaptive-and-maladaptive-emotions-and-behavior

Hollings, D. (2025, October 19). Adhering to invisible scripts. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/adhering-to-invisible-scripts

Hollings, D. (2025, September 13). Are your actions ruled by reason? Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/are-your-actions-ruled-by-reason

Hollings, D. (2024, November 15). Assumptions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/assumptions

Hollings, D. (2024, August 7). Awfulizing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/awfulizing

Hollings, D. (2024, June 2). Blame. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/blame

Hollings, D. (2025, November 17). Bloodbending: A moral and ethical dilemma regarding control. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/bloodbending-a-moral-and-ethical-dilemma-regarding-control

Hollings, D. (2025, October 23). Bringing together sound teaching with sound conduct. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/bringing-together-sound-teaching-with-sound-conduct

Hollings, D. (2022, May 17). Circle of concern. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/circle-of-concern

Hollings, D. (2024, July 11). Concern and no concern. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/concern-and-no-concern

Hollings, D. (2024, July 9). Conditional should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/conditional-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2026, February 12). Consciousness: Reach your soul. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/consciousness-reach-your-soul

Hollings, D. (2024, March 19). Consequences. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/consequences

Hollings, D. (2023, April 22). Control. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/control

Hollings, D. (2025, October 3). Control and influence: A soft center and coated in a candy shell. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/control-and-influence-a-soft-center-and-coated-in-a-candy-shell

Hollings, D. (2025, September 6). Control what you can. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/control-what-you-can

Hollings, D. (2023, March 12). Controlling the flow of harm. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/controlling-the-flow-of-harm

Hollings, D. (2024, October 27). Correlation does not imply causation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/correlation-does-not-imply-causation

Hollings, D. (2022, October 31). Demandingness. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/demandingness

Hollings, D. (2025, October 31). Depression and reasoned choice. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/depression-and-reasoned-choice

Hollings, D. (2022, October 5). Description vs. prescription. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/description-vs-prescription

Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer

Hollings, D. (2024, April 2). Discrimination. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/discrimination

Hollings, D. (2026, April 17). Disgust. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disgust

Hollings, D. (2025, April 24). Distress tolerance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/distress-tolerance

Hollings, D. (2025, March 12). Distress vs. disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/distress-vs-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2024, July 10). Empirical should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/empirical-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2024, December 30). Empowerment. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/empowerment

Hollings, D. (2026, May 23). Empowerment vs. disempowerment: Just doing it for the love of the game. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/empowerment-vs-disempowerment-just-doing-it-for-the-love-of-the-game

Hollings, D. (2025, December 5). Evaluations and appraisals: Men are gross, trash, and pigs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/evaluations-and-appraisals-men-are-gross-trash-and-pigs

Hollings, D. (2025, December 13). Explanation and justification. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/explanation-and-justification

Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use

Hollings, D. (2024, May 11). Fallible human being. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fallible-human-being

Hollings, D. (2026, April 17). Fear, take the wheel. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fear-take-the-wheel

Hollings, D. (2024, May 17). Feeling better vs. getting better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/feeling-better-vs-getting-better-1

Hollings, D. (2026, February 13). Five, four, three… beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/five-four-three-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better

Hollings, D. (2026, March 2). Get out of your own way: Petty annoyances and minor obstacles. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-out-of-your-own-way-petty-annoyances-and-minor-obstacles

Hollings, D. (2023, September 13). Global evaluations. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/global-evaluations

Hollings, D. (2024, April 13). Goals. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/goals

Hollings, D. (2026, April 25). Haters. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/haters

Hollings, D. (2024, August 9). Healthy concern. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/healthy-concern

Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/

Hollings, D. (2026, March 16). Hopeful anticipation vs. disturbing expectation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/hopeful-anticipation-vs-disturbing-expectation

Hollings, D. (2026, May 16). I’m finding it hard to believe we’re in Heaven or Hell: Agnostic. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/i-m-finding-it-hard-to-believe-we-re-in-heaven-or-hell-agnostic

Hollings, D. (2024, July 10). Ideal should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/ideal-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2024, October 21). Impermanence and uncertainty. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/impermanence-and-uncertainty

Hollings, D. (2025, September 21). Impugning motive: Swallowing a toad. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/impugning-motive-swallowing-a-toad

Hollings, D. (2026, April 21). Inner citadel: Stuff cannot touch the soul. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/inner-citadel-stuff-cannot-touch-the-soul

Hollings, D. (2024, February 14). Insufferable vs. undesirable. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/insufferable-vs-undesirable

Hollings, D. (2026, April 14). Intolerance: There’s no way that I can take this. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/intolerance-there-s-no-way-that-i-can-take-this

Hollings, D. (2026, February 8). Is It Desire, or Is It Love? Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/is-it-desire-or-is-it-love

Hollings, D. (2025, April 23). Judgment. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/judgment

Hollings, D. (2025, October 13). Knowledge, wisdom, understanding. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/knowledge-wisdom-understanding

Hollings, D. (2022, November 10). Labeling. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/labeling

Hollings, D. (2025, May 18). Learning to understand, attentively and deeply. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/learning-to-understand-attentively-and-deeply

Hollings, D. (2024, July 10). Legal should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/legal-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching

Hollings, D. (2025, January 8). Life-downing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-downing

Hollings, D. (2022, December 2). Low frustration tolerance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/low-frustration-tolerance

Hollings, D. (2022, June 23). Meaningful purpose. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/meaningful-purpose

Hollings, D. (2024, March 4). Mental, emotional, and behavioral health. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/mental-emotional-and-behavioral-health

Hollings, D. (2025, November 16). Mental health, mental illness, and mental disorder. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/mental-health-mental-illness-and-mental-disorder

Hollings, D. (2025, April 16). Mentally corrupt decisions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/mentally-corrupt-decisions

Hollings, D. (2024, February 17). Meta-emotional problems. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/meta-emotional-problems

Hollings, D. (2024, July 10). Moral and ethical should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/moral-and-ethical-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2024, September 27). My attitude. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/my-attitude

Hollings, D. (2025, August 2). My philosophy. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/my-philosophy

Hollings, D. (2026, April 26). Negative, but healthy anger and aggression. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/negative-but-healthy-anger-and-aggression

Hollings, D. (2024, May 30). Nobody’s perfect. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/nobody-s-perfect

Hollings, D. (2024, June 2). Nonadaptive behavior. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/nonadaptive-behavior

Hollings, D. (2026, June 9). Nonsense: It’s plainly pride. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/nonsense-it-s-plainly-pride

Hollings, D. (2026, April 4). Objective reality. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/objective-reality

Hollings, D. (2023, September 3). On feelings. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-feelings

Hollings, D. (2025, January 7). Other-downing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/other-downing

Hollings, D. (2024, February 24). Personal agency. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/personal-agency

Hollings, D. (2022, November 7). Personal ownership. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/personal-ownership

Hollings, D. (2025, September 9). Personal responsibility and accountability. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/personal-responsibility-and-accountability

Hollings, D. (2024, July 20). Perspective shift. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/perspective-shift

Hollings, D. (2024, July 10). Preferential should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/preferential-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2026, March 18). Prejudice vs. discernment: Bias. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/prejudice-vs-discernment-bias

Hollings, D. (2023, November 23). Problems. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/problems

Hollings, D. (2024, January 1). Psychoeducation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychoeducation

Hollings, D. (2023, September 15). Psychotherapeutic modalities. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapeutic-modalities

Hollings, D. (2024, May 5). Psychotherapist. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapist

Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt

Hollings, D. (2025, August 13). Rational versus irrational thoughts and beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-versus-irrational-thoughts-and-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2024, January 1). Rational vs. irrational. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-vs-irrational

Hollings, D. (2024, March 14). REBT and emotions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rebt-and-emotions

Hollings, D. (2024, July 18). REBT flexibility. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rebt-flexibility

Hollings, D. (2024, July 10). Recommendatory should beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/recommendatory-should-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2023, February 17). Revisiting the circle of control. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/revisiting-the-circle-of-control

Hollings, D. (2024, January 4). Rigid vs. rigorous. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rigid-vs-rigorous

Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2025, January 6). Self-downing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-downing

Hollings, D. (2026, April 21). Self-upset. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-upset

Hollings, D. (2026, June 11). Shaping: Force of habit – No rewarding bad behavior! Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/shaping-force-of-habit-no-rewarding-bad-behavior

Hollings, D. (2022, October 7). Should, must, and ought. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/should-must-and-ought

Hollings, D. (2025, December 24). Some people advocate walking. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/some-people-advocate-walking

Hollings, D. (2026, February 25). Stoic joy. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/stoic-joy

Hollings, D. (2024, February 27). Suffering, struggling, and battling vs. experiencing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/suffering-struggling-and-battling-vs-experiencing

Hollings, D. (2025, August 6). Take an inventory of your obligations. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/take-an-inventory-of-your-obligations

Hollings, D. (2022, December 23). The A-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-a-c-connection

Hollings, D. (2025, December 21). The awful, very bad, horrible, terrible, no good, unacceptable elements of life. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-awful-very-bad-horrible-terrible-no-good-unacceptable-elements-of-life

Hollings, D. (2022, December 25). The B-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-b-c-connection

Hollings, D. (2022, November 2). The critical A. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-critical-a

Hollings, D. (2025, January 2). The distinction between law and justice. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-distinction-between-law-and-justice

Hollings, D. (2026, February 21). The preferences versus expectations paradigm: Love is not enough, though virtue is. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-preferences-versus-expectations-paradigm-love-is-not-enough-though-virtue-is

Hollings, D. (2025, April 15). This cake smells unpleasant. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/this-cake-smells-unpleasant

Hollings, D. (2023, February 16). Tna. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/__tna

Hollings, D. (2026, June 5). To offend and endure offense: Você tem chulé. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-offend-and-endure-offense-você-tem-chulé

Hollings, D. (2025, February 28). To try is my goal. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-try-is-my-goal

Hollings, D. (2025, January 9). Traditional ABC model. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/traditional-abc-model

Hollings, D. (2026, March 14). Trolley problem: Distress or disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/trolley-problem-distress-or-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2024, October 20). Unconditional acceptance redux. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-acceptance-redux

Hollings, D. (2023, March 11). Unconditional life-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-life-acceptance

Hollings, D. (2023, February 25). Unconditional other-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-other-acceptance

Hollings, D. (2023, March 1). Unconditional self-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-self-acceptance

Hollings, D. (2026, February 17). Unexpected strings: Escapism and avoidance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unexpected-strings-escapism-and-avoidance

Hollings, D. (2024, March 18). Unhealthy vs. healthy negative emotions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unhealthy-vs-healthy-negative-emotions

Hollings, D. (2024, October 26). Unhelpful expectations. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unhelpful-expectations

Hollings, D. (2025, September 28). War crimes: A rational course of action. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/war-crimes-a-rational-course-of-action

Hollings, D. (2023, October 10). When others don’t share your worldview. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/when-others-don-t-share-your-worldview

Hollings, D. (2026, March 26). You’ll have suffered twice. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/you-ll-have-suffered-twice

OldSchoolBrothaz2. (2023, August 13). Akinyele, Kia Jeffries - Put It in Your Mouth [1996] [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/2Fwyh33pQZo?si=hY_Rswddyxta7VDj

Ruffstreamvidz. (2011, October 17). T.O.K - Chi Chi Man Official video [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/ILT9v0GY3Qg?si=Qcb92g4n2GglKAtu

Saint George Greek Orthodox Cathedral. (n.d.). The Eucharist, or Holy Communion. Retrieved from https://www.stgeorgegreenville.org/our-faith/catechism/mysteries/eucharist

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Akinyele (rapper). Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Akinyele_(rapper)

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Churches of Christ. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Churches_of_Christ

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Dancehall. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dancehall

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Don’t ask, don’t tell. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Don%27t_ask,_don%27t_tell

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Fort McClellan. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fort_McClellan

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Jamaican Patois. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jamaican_Patois

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Jehovah’s Witnesses. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jehovah%27s_Witnesses

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Military police. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Military_police

Wikipedia. (n.d.). My Crew, My Dawgs. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/My_Crew,_My_Dawgs

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Put It in Your Mouth. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Put_It_in_Your_Mouth

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Stephen Covey. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephen_Covey

Wikipedia. (n.d.). T.O.K. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/T.O.K.

Wikipedia. (n.d.). Uniform Code of Military Justice. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uniform_Code_of_Military_Justice

Wikipedia. (n.d.). United States Marine Corps. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_Marine_Corps

Yohannes, A. (2020, March 17). Sometimes music doesn’t love you back. Medium. Retrieved from https://alamin-yohannes.medium.com/sometimes-music-doesnt-love-you-back-8a5107edbb40