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Guilt Trip: A Self-Conscious Emotional Ride

  • Writer: Deric Hollings
    Deric Hollings
  • 2 days ago
  • 15 min read

 

I view many events through the proverbial lens of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). Herein, I’ll provide a psychoeducational lesson that involves thinking and believing which is rational (in accordance with both logic and reason), or not (i.e., irrational), as it regards REBT.

 

Here, “logic” is the interrelation or sequence of facts or events when seen as inevitable or predictable, and “reason” is a statement offered in explanation or justification. For instance, a modus ponens syllogism uses the following logical form: If p, then q; p; therefore, q.

 

Before I provide an example, it may be useful to know that one source states, “A theory is, in general, any hypothesis or set of ideas about something, formed in any number of ways through any sort of reasoning for any sort of reason.” Colloquially, a “theory” alludes to a mere belief.

 

If every theory in which I believe possibly could be true or real (p), then every theory in which I believe empirically must be true or real (q). Every theory in which I believe possibly could be true or real (p). Therefore, every theory in which I believe empirically must be true or real (q).

 

This proposition follows logical form; yet I argue that it isn’t reasonable, because what could be isn’t necessarily what is. Thus, I consider this syllogistic belief as that relating to irrationality. Nevertheless, I have little doubt that at least one person on this planet disagrees with my outlook.

 

Noteworthy, my worldview is subjective (characteristic of or belonging to reality as perceived rather than as independent of mind). Thus, not everyone agrees with what everybody else deems as rational or not. Irrespective of advocacy for equality, not everyone maintains the same views.

 

Also, a rational perspective for one person may not be considered rational by members of a group. For example, people dedicating themselves to the practice of science may fervently disagree with referring to a mere belief as a “theory.” I agree! Yet, this is my subjective view.

 

When further contemplating this matter, I’m reminded of an electronic dance music (EDM) DJ set by Alėna Me, in which she spun the song “Guilt Trip – Keinemusik (Imad & Dennis Louvra Remix)” (2025), originally performed by Keinemusik and remixed by Imad and Denis Louvra.

 

Guilt is something which often presents when working with clients, regarding their mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”). For context, the American Psychological Association (APA) thusly defines guilt:

 

[A] self-conscious emotion characterized by a painful appraisal of having done (or thought) something that is wrong and often by a readiness to take action designed to undo or mitigate this wrong. It is distinct from shame, in which there is the additional strong fear of one’s deeds being publicly exposed to judgment or ridicule.

 

For clarity, the APA defines a self-conscious emotion as “an emotion generated when events reflect on the worth or value of the self in one’s own or others’ eyes. Self-conscious emotions include shame, pride, guilt, and embarrassment. Also called self-evaluative emotion.”

 

Additionally, the APA defines shame as “a highly unpleasant self-conscious emotion arising from the sense of there being something dishonorable, immodest, or indecorous in one’s own conduct or circumstances.” It isn’t uncommon for people to conflate guilt with shame.

 

Therefore, when providing psychoeducational lessons on REBT, I invite people to consider that guilt relates to an unpleasant secondary emotion from the inside-out while shame relates to a similar experience from the outside-in. Allow me to briefly explain my position.

 

As an example, if I accidentally strike a pedestrian with my vehicle, then I may feel guilt for having perceivably done wrong (i.e., inside-out). Simultaneously, bystanders may yell at me and state that I’ve done a dishonorable deed, as I’d then feel shame (i.e., outside-in).

 

Noteworthy, as stated by the APA, guilt functions as “a painful appraisal of having done (or thought) something that is wrong.” This means that, unlike outside-in shame, one can imagine others pointing the proverbial finger at oneself, thus creating a belief-driven inside-out emotion.

 

Photo credit, Designed by Magnific, fair use

 

Colloquially, this experience of imagined shame that actually regards guilt is known as a trip (absorption in or obsession with an interest, attitude, or state of mind). In common parlance, the non-clinical term for this experience involving guilt is guilt trip, about which one source states:

 

A guilt trip is the experience of guilt due to another person’s communication that leads to the emotional response. Guilt tripping, causing a guilt trip, is a form of emotional blackmail that is often intended to manipulate a person by preying on their feelings of guilt or responsibility. It is considered by many to be a toxic behavior that affects a person’s well-being and relationships.

 

There are limited studies examining the guilt trip, mostly focused on parent–child relationships. George K. Simon interprets the guilt trip as a special kind of intimidation tactic. A manipulator suggests to the conscientious victim that they do not care enough, are too selfish or has it easy.

 

This usually results in the victim feeling bad, keeping them in a self-doubting, anxious and submissive position. Some consider guilt tripping a person to be a form of punishment for a perceived transgression. Some authors consider that inducing guilt is not always wrong as it can facilitate a wrongdoer’s moral development.

 

Given my knowledge, wisdom, and understanding of REBT, that description of a guilt trip was quite a ride (to continue without interference) through victim mentality! It’s quite disempowering to assume that anyone other than you can cause a guilt trip. Rather, I prefer empowerment!

 

Recall a modus ponens syllogism. If another person’s communication causes shame, mislabeled as guilt (p), then you’re powerless over your emotions (q). Another person’s communication causes shame, mislabeled as guilt (p). Therefore, you’re powerless over your emotions (q).

 

This proposition adheres to logical form. However, I argue that it isn’t reasonable. Thus, I consider the notion of a guilt trip as little more than irrational drivel. Allow me to briefly justify my position.

 

REBT uses the ABC model to illustrate that when an undesirable Action occurs and you Believe an unhelpful narrative about the event, it’s your unfavorable assumption, not the occurrence itself, that causes an unpleasant Consequence. This is known as distress or disturbance.

 

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use to distress or disturb themselves: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive scripts, think of the acronym GLAD.

 

Additionally, from a psychological standpoint, people distress or disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.

 

From an A-C view, another person communicates that you’ve committed some form of wrongdoing (Action), as your ears process the communicated attempt at shaming, colloquially mislabeled as a guilt trip (Consequence). All the same, it’s a B-C connection that causes guilt.

 

You’re told that you’ve done wrong (Action), Believe, “I’m worthless [G], and I can’t bear that I’ve done wrong [L], as it’s horrific to consider how poorly I’ve behaved [A], because I mustn’t ever act as I did [D],” and given this unaccommodating outlook, you feel guilt (Consequence).

 

Addressing how people upset themselves with unhelpful attitudes, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unproductive philosophies of life in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Whereas rigid beliefs cause self-disturbance, flexible beliefs result in an un-disturbed condition.

 

This is where the framing of healthy self-distress and unhealthy self-disturbance comes into play. Particularly, it’s worth noting that one REBT source states (page 71):

 

REBT conceptualizes [distress] as healthy even though it is intense. Other approaches to therapy have as their goal the reduction of the intensity of negative emotions. They take this position because they do not keenly differentiate between healthy negative emotions (distress) and unhealthy negative emotions (disturbance).

 

Now, REBT keenly distinguishes between healthy distress and unhealthy disturbance. Healthy distress stems from your rational beliefs about a negative activating event [Action], whilst disturbance stems from your irrational beliefs about the same event.

 

Complete elimination of distress is highly unlikely in an impermanent and uncertain world wherein people conceptually suffer, struggle, and battle with, or merely experience hardship. Still, individuals often make matters worse for themselves by disturbing about such instances.

 

Guilt can function as a healthy form of self-distress (e.g., you feel guilty for having intentionally stolen a coworker’s lunch from the office refrigerator). Just as social shaming is sometimes used to healthily shape one’s nonadaptive behaviors, guilt can serve a similar purpose.

 

Using an Effective belief, you may tell yourself, “I preferably shouldn’t have stolen my coworker’s sandwich out of the breakroom fridge. Stealing is wrong, and this isn’t the sort of behavior in which I want to engage. I’m going to right this wrong, and not steal again!”

 

Still, guilt can function as an unhealthy form of self-disturbance (i.e., use of GLAD narratives about your sandwich-stealing ways). Whereas a healthy self-conscious emotional ride takes you in the direction of constructive results, an unhealthy trip drives you toward destructive outcomes.

 

No matter which function is at hand – healthy distress or unhealthy disturbance – you can empoweringly take personal responsibility and accountability (collectively “ownership”) of your own reactions. Otherwise, you may disempoweringly consider yourself a victim of guilt trips.

 

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

 

As the world’s foremost EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

 

 

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

 

References:

 

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Hollings, D. (2024, May 22). Reasoning with the unreasonable. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/reasoning-with-the-unreasonable

Hollings, D. (2024, March 14). REBT and emotions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rebt-and-emotions

Hollings, D. (2024, July 18). REBT flexibility. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rebt-flexibility

Hollings, D. (2025, February 24). Reinforcement and punishment. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/reinforcement-and-punishment

Hollings, D. (2024, January 4). Rigid vs. rigorous. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rigid-vs-rigorous

Hollings, D. (2025, December 31). Sanctum: A focus on irrationality. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/sanctum-a-focus-on-irrationality

Hollings, D. (2026, July 7). Self-distress and distress tolerance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-distress-and-distress-tolerance

Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2025, August 3). Self-esteem and self-worth. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-esteem-and-self-worth

Hollings, D. (2026, April 21). Self-upset. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-upset

Hollings, D. (2026, June 11). Shaping: Force of habit – No rewarding bad behavior! Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/shaping-force-of-habit-no-rewarding-bad-behavior

Hollings, D. (2026, February 24). Skepticism: I doubt it. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/skepticism-i-doubt-it

Hollings, D. (2025, December 24). Some people advocate walking. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/some-people-advocate-walking

Hollings, D. (2024, February 27). Suffering, struggling, and battling vs. experiencing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/suffering-struggling-and-battling-vs-experiencing

Hollings, D. (2023, October 17). Syllogism. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/syllogism

Hollings, D. (2022, December 23). The A-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-a-c-connection

Hollings, D. (2022, December 25). The B-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-b-c-connection

Hollings, D. (2025, October 22). The construct. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-construct

Hollings, D. (2022, November 2). The critical A. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-critical-a

Hollings, D. (2022, December 14). The is-ought problem. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-is-ought-problem

Hollings, D. (2023, August 6). The science. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-science

Hollings, D. (2026, May 15). The speed of thoughts and beliefs: Flipping the bird. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-speed-of-thoughts-and-beliefs-flipping-the-bird

Hollings, D. (2026, April 23). The three traditionally identified components of the mind: Affect, cognition, and conation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-three-traditionally-identified-components-of-the-mind-affect-cognition-and-conation

Hollings, D. (2025, April 15). This cake smells unpleasant. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/this-cake-smells-unpleasant

Hollings, D. (2024, February 6). This ride inevitably ends. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/this-ride-inevitably-ends

Hollings, D. (2025, February 28). To try is my goal. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-try-is-my-goal

Hollings, D. (2025, January 9). Traditional ABC model. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/traditional-abc-model

Hollings, D. (2024, March 18). Unhealthy vs. healthy negative emotions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unhealthy-vs-healthy-negative-emotions

Hollings, D. (2024, October 26). Unhelpful expectations. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unhelpful-expectations

Hollings, D. (2025, February 9). Value. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/value

Hollings, D. (2023, May 3). Want vs. need. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/want-vs-need

Hollings, D. (2026, May 26). We aren’t all the same. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/we-aren-t-all-the-same

Hollings, D. (2025, July 18). We decide whether to label something good or bad. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/ we-decide-whether-to-label-something-good-or-bad

Hollings, D. (2024, September 29). Well, well, well. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/well-well-well

Hollings, D. (2024, July 3). What equality? Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/what-equality

Hollings, D. (2023, October 10). When others don’t share your worldview. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/when-others-don-t-share-your-worldview

Hollings, D. (2026, March 8). You are not your beliefs or ideas. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/you-are-not-your-beliefs-or-ideas

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